ROT: Reviews Off Trailers

Here is another installment of ROT, where I dissect a trailer and tell you if it will be a good movie or not based off that little sliver of screen time. It would seem pretentious to do that, but believe me, my track record is pretty outstanding. On we go!

Movie: Quantum of Solace

WTF: A Bond movie is like a grilled cheese: you know exactly what is in it, what it will look like, and whether you will like it or not.  BUT, it still depends on the details to make it a great grilled cheese, or a mediocre one.  Daniel Craig was the organic, perfectly tasting cheese the franchise needed, and he is back for seconds (seriously, I could go off this analogy for days).  This movie is an immediate continuation of the last.  It looks like it will still be darker than most, which worked well in Casino Royale.  The only thing to look out for is how much Bond will be in Bond.  Will it ham itself up, or will it take itself seriously and give us some interesting insights into how James becames James.

Prognosis: Good grilled cheese, but maybe getting colder.

Movie: Hellboy II The Golden Army

WTF: Not to be confused with The Man with the Golden Arm, this is not a Frank Sinatra diddy.  Although, Frank Sinatra would be right next to Ron Perlman if the asked you who would be least likely choice to helm this franchise a few years ago.  Seriously, this guy?  Well, 'this guy' has done a good job so far.  People were mixed about the first one, but I thought it was visually stunning, grimy, and fun-loving.  This one looks BETTER.  Do not be surprised to see this become a sleeper hit.  Sure, Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk and Batman are gonna have a helluva summer, but Hellboy II might creep up on them.

Prognosis: I got a fever, and the only thing that can cure is some more Hellboy.

Movie: X-Files: I Want To Believe

WTF: Seriously, WTF? I Want To Believe??? I am sorry to say this to any X-Files fans out there, but you are alone.  Alone in going to see this movie.  Besides the bad movie title, the trailer does nothing more than keep cranking up the volume on the hectic background music, rehash 90's pop culture (Mulder believes, Scully doesn't, and it will end up being Mr. Hooley, wearing a mask, almost getting away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids), and assuring us that something, something!!!, is under that ice.  Oh yeah, and the priest dude's eyes bleed.  This movie may have a nice opening weekend, but it will soon die off.  Off the trailer alone, I have no reason to be interested in what might be found by those two FBI peeps, and, as a nod to the poor work done on this piece of advertising, I am almost certain whatever is found will be anti-climactic.  I feel like this will be like The Village.  

Prognosis: Stop believing.  It aint a UFO, it is a bad movie.

view responsibly.

lhp