You are going on a date with a film lover...Or you are in a cocktail party conversation where things go from "Best movie you saw lately" to "That was really well made..."...Or you just want to impress your friends how snobbish you are now, and how their tastes in movie are only driven by explosions and kisses in the rain. All in all, you want to sound like a Film Snob.
Good for you. The delights of being a film snob are pretty much the same as being any other sort of snob, and they come with the same repercussions. You will often be called upon to recommend good movies, unknown movies, indie movies, and will have people listen to your criticisms as gospel. Of course, you will also be considered a tad elitist and preachy. But whatever, that is what they get for being film philistines.
Here are some ways you can sound like a Film Snob, and not need to add Bergman or Focus Feature movies to your Netflix que (but you should, really, now):
1. When describing a movie, use adjectives you would use for a person
For example, I might call a friend of mine "manipulative and self-indulgent". Guess what? I just gave you a great way of describing Rules of Attraction! How about "unsure of itself" or "showy" or "unengaging"? All great adjectives you can use for a movie.
"I felt that while the first Matrix kicked ass, the second and third were just showy and were completely unengaging"
Booya, an angel just got its wings.
2. Wiki a movie
Whenever you know what movie you are going to watch, go to www.wikipedia.org and look it up. Don't read the whole thing, you don't have time for that. Just look at the director, maybe read some stuff from the Criticism section, and see if there is anything in the References in Pop Culture section. Bingo, you just got enough snobbish fuel to light an elitist fire.
"Although Tarantino's work is very iconic, I thought Jackie Brown lacked the pop culture impact his other movies had. It might have to do with its overemphasis on dialogue and not so much on plot progression"
Makin' it rain!
3. Use only the director's last name
Martin Scorcese is just Scorcese. Wes Anderson is just Anderson. Robert Altman goes by Altman. Do not use their full names. Do not use their first names either, it makes you sound like a douche, not a snob.
4. Be negative a wee-bit
Sure, the movie was great, had everything, and it was like apple pie in your mouth. Whatever. In order to be taken seriously, you cannot ga-ga over the movie like everyone else. You are a SNOB, remember? Act like one.
Find flaws in the movie. There are always at least a couple. They can be stupid, miniscule flaws that make you sound like an anal-retentive asshole. But that is good. That means you must constantly be impressed.
Some examples?
The movie over-reached a bit (you don't have to know what that means)
The characters could've been developed into richer entities
Some of the director's shots were unfocused
When character X did this it seemed out of place
The actor who played X was not convincing throughout
The crew who did the grilling sound was lame
etc
etc
Be creative.
5. Show enthusiasm about the movie!
You may talk crap about movies, but remember, you also LOVE movies. This being said, show it. When you talk about a movie/actor/director/sound editor, show your enthusiasm by actually being into it. Understand their craft and appreciate them through your criticism. Deep inside, you should want to do what they are doing because you love it so much. Dig deep and find the point where you and the movie connects.
Or, if you can't do all that, just say stuff like this:
I loved the way yadayada
When that girl looked into his eyes, it was amazing how she captured the essence of the moment
The way King Kong cracked those T-Rex's jaws was unbelievably riveting
I crapped my pants when I found out he was dead the whole movie! Bruce!
And finally:
6. Build from here
You can talk the talk all you want, but it will makes things easier, and, in my humble personal opinion, more fun, if you actually watch movies and become engrossed in them.
Oooooh, see what I did..."Engrossed". Yeah, you can use that one, too.
lhp
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