Quarter Century of Advice

Portable computer from 1983.

I love reading those little blurbs old people write about the 25 lessons or whatever they have learned in their lifetime. Good stuff. Most of them come off as the stereotypical wise, yet prickly geezer. But they still give out good stuff to think about.

I am turning a quarter of a century old today. I prefer calling it that rather than 25 years old, because it emphasizes the weight I believe this point in life carries. While I may not be wise and old and grumpy (well, not the first two), I've still learned some stuff and heard some good lessons here and there. What follows are things I have caught along the way. Most of it are things I have heard from others and have applied to my own life, some are things I learned along the way and am working on still. But NOTHING here is a piece of advice I have not tested out myself. Therefore, you will not see 'Raising your child is the most amazing thing ever', or 'After your first heart attack, you fear burgers'. Nope. What I write below are things I can vouch for. May not work for you, but then too bad, screw off!! (see, I am grumpy):

• Become Self-Aware
This is easier said than done, but it is very important. Probably the most important thing I have to say here. Become aware of what you do, say, think, and how others may perceive all of the above. There is fine line shared here with being self-critical. That doesn't help. That only focuses on the negative, rather than the whole thing. Also, don't worry about what others think of you. Just be aware of your existence, pretty much, and if you like what you see or not. Barack Obama is a great example of this. His self-awareness has made his appeal widespread, and his rise a meteoric one
• Like to dress well:
Hubert de Givenchy, the founder of said fashion line, lived through a simple maxim: Never be afraid to be the best dressed man in the room. What you wear says volume about who you are. Not what you are made of, but who you are. Are you tidy? Are you old-fashioned? Are you interested in detail? Are you lazy? A good website to check for everyday style is www.thesartorialist.blogspot.com. But if you ARE lazy, here are a few tried and true rules that will raise you up a notch at least:
• Your socks should match your pants, and if possible, create a 'segueway' of color between your pants and shoes. E.G. Brown pants, white shoes=light brown socks. Also, NEVER wear white socks unless you are going to the gym or are a london bus driver.
• Never wear pleats. The list of why you should is shorter than the number of presidential candidates.
• Black, white, and grey go with everything. Especially each other.
• Know your tones. Find out what colors work best for you. Keep an ear out when people give you compliments, and then analyze what you wore and work off that. Never wear Yellow. It is a horrible color and should be shot.
• Avoid trends. Make your own.
• If you write, write often:
This is an easy one. It isn't really about length or depth, but about consistency. Write out random thoughts for 15 minutes each day, and then next week make it 20 minutes, and so forth. This will spark your Muse, I assure you.

• You will become your parents
I was eating ice cream the other day. I went to go sit down, and people watch while I ate my ice cream. I crossed my leg, laid back in my chair, and started chowing down. At that moment, I knew: I had become my dad. This is exactly what he loves to do. I've noticed other things before, but this did it for me. So be forewarned: If you are a girl, you will become your mother; if you are a boy you will become your father. If you only have one parent, you will become him/her. Gay parents, not sure, but keep me updated.

• Keep Yourself Interesting
I like to read. But what I mostly read aint books. I read books, but the bulk of my reading time is not assigned to them. But I read. About almost everything. The founder of Princeton said, "The person you spend most of your life with is yourself. Might as well make yourself as interesting as possible". So true. If you are not even interesting to yourself, why should I care to heard what you think? Look out for new things to do, learn, say, eat, drink, grab, write, read, whatever. Just keep yourself interesting to yourself.

• Find Your Speed
One thing I should've figured out awhile back is that you can't please everyone. You can't even please yourself sometimes, for mercy's sake. So don't pressure yourself to be the everyman to every man. Find your speed. Know what environments you like to be in. What people do you like to hang out with? What crowds do you feel at home with? Or maybe no crowds. I suggest doing this: Go to three very different venues, like an art museum, a dive bar, and a park. What do you like of each? Dislike? Be true. Maybe you are an art lover deep inside, or maybe you love alcohol...if the latter is the case, gimme a call and we can do both.

• Assume Positive Intent
I believe it is the current CEO of Coca Cola that said that one of the ways she has made her life richer and simpler is to always assume positive intent in other people. When someone would be rude to her, she would assume they had a horrible day and are actually pretty sorry for being rude to her. If someone started bragging to her she would think he is trying to let her know of good things to buy and wants to help her find them. Etc. Always think people are acting in a godly way. Sure, it might get you in trouble for thinking everyone is Jesus incarnate, but the ease and positive attitude you will have will be much more of a benefit.

• Look For Solutions Outside Your Problems
I have often found myself stuck in a problem. Like, seriously, stuck. I can't go back or forth. But sometimes when I look for solutions out of the problem 'box', it works. This can be wide-ranging. For example, if you are stressed out and none of your medication helps you--it might even be making things worse--then why not try something out there. Like maybe going for a swim, or eating some ice cream, or punching a pillow. Do you dislike your friends? Get out of your usual social circle and tread new ground. If you keep looking for solutions inside your problems, you will probably find new problems, nothing else. Branch into new environments, cultures, philosophies, and people. Exposure will at least let you know what you like and dislike, and what works and doesn't work.

• Make Others Interesting
People love to be listened to. So be a good chap and do it. Listening to them might be educating to you. You might find out if this person could be a good friend, partner, businessperson, or bartender for a party. You might also find out a lot about you. Are you judging them as they speak, or attentively listening and trying to connect? Do you get what they are saying, or are they smarter than you (meaning, go watch some History Channel)? Ask questions and become genuinely interested in them, and stay in the conversation like there is nothing else going on in the world. That is how people will like being with you.

• Be in the NOW
A nice little exercise to help you become more centered, stop having an unnecessarily busy mind, and appreciate that you are still around: close your eyes, start breathing slowly, focus only on your breathing, and do that for a minute. IF you start thinking and having a busy brain again, which you probably will, then visualize yourself looking at yourself thinking. See yourself seeing yourself avoiding being in the moment. Do that until you don't have to. And then open your eyes and live your life. That will be $50, please.

• Quit Your Job
I find there is really no reason to NOT switch jobs if you dislike it. If you truly dislike it and aren't just bitching about how tiring it is, then switch. Quit. Move on. Find something you like, at least. Don't be one of those people that dreads going to work everyday and walks around lifeless. That used to be me. I now know better.

• Get A Hobby
I am almost certain everyone is good at SOMETHING. This may be a bit Socratic on my part, but I believe it's true. Go find what that is. It might be boxing, or drawing, or cooking, or curling, or making miniature cities out of potatoes...who knows. Just get a hobby you love and stick with it. It may end up taking over your day job. Wouldn't that be great!

• You Value 'You'
Set goals and expectations for yourself. And then judge yourself by those goals and expectations YOU set. You are the only one that can give yourself value, and no one can take it away. What you think of 'value' may be different from what others consider valuable, so why should you be judged by other's measuring stick?

Take care.

lhp