lhp
Sunday, June 29, 2008
TV Commercial You Will Hear About Tomorrow
lhp
Obama's Worst Enemy? His Shadow
Progressives are easy to displease, but it will take a lot to make them lose faith in anything. Or anyone, for that matter. That is good news for Senator Obama, after this last week of what are seen as blows to the progressive following he has built.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Justice Is Fair. Unless You're Black
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Where the Hell is Matt?
lhp
Alcoholics Eponymus by Jimmy Chen
Great, funny writing:
MODERATOR: Thank you all for being here. I know this is very difficult. The first step is admitting that you have an addiction—I'd like to congratulate each one of you for doing that. Now let's go around the circle and introduce ourselves.
JACK DANIEL: Hi, I'm Jack.
ALL: Hi, Jack.
JIM BEAM: Hijack, my ass. I just got off the damn plane.
MODERATOR: Mr. Beam, please wait your turn—and we don't swear in our circle of trust.
JIM BEAM: (Silence.)
MODERATOR: That's better. I know you're a little strung out from last night. Hang in there, OK? Sir, how about you?
RÉMY MARTIN: Bonjour, je m'appelle Rémy Martin.
MODERATOR: Now, Rémy, I know you speak English.
RÉMY MARTIN: (Sigh.) Hi, I'm Rémy. You know, I try to throw in a little class and immediately get shut down.
JIM BEAM: Hey, froufrou, this is America—we're not impressed with that Frenchie stuff. That shit wouldn't pass in Kentucky, boy. Speak English.
RÉMY MARTIN: Vous me faites pitié.
JIM BEAM: English, boy.
RÉMY MARTIN: Vous me donnez la nausée. Ma bouche va littéralement s'ouvrir et mon dernier repas se déversera dans ce monde.
JIM BEAM: If you speak French one more time, I'll—
RÉMY MARTIN: Mm!
MODERATOR: Oh, dear.
JIM BEAM: English!
JOSE CUERVO: Inglés!
MODERATOR: Please.
RÉMY MARTIN: Voudriez-vous que je couvre votre tête de foie gras?
GREY GOOSE: Honk!!!
JOSE CUERVO: ¡Sacad este pajaro de aqui, se esta cagando por todos lados!
JOHNNIE WALKER: I think the goose is concerned about the foie gras.
GREY GOOSE: (Flapping its wings wildly.) Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!
JACK DANIEL: Jesus Christ.
MODERATOR: Plea—
GREY GOOSE: (Flying around the room.) Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk! Honk!
(Moderator faints in the middle of the circle.)
ALL: (Silence.)
JOHNNIE WALKER: It is peculiar how the inebriated soul honks for attention. Look at what we have done to this poor lady; she even ripped her pants. Oh, I have seen many things in my days: the sullen look of a jaded 14-year-old lover, a brick of peat moss buttered in the final notes of a summer sunset, an oak barrel swollen with solemn unsung years ... oh, so many things. I brave to tread the path less traveled, twirl my cane amidst the havoc and chaos of modernity. We, suspended in this age of excess, brine our livers in nectared poison with self-delusional love and irrevocable loneliness, for true love—the kind that shines so bright its white rays burst your retinas—is but a lost notion quivering toward the past.
ALL: (Silence.)
GREY GOOSE: My bad.
source: McSweeney's
lhp
Nader is 'Delusional' About Obama
You know that crazy old man that randomly walks into a McDonald's, with an empty paper bag in hand and a shaggy bed of thinning hair, and starts screaming rants about socialism and the end of the world? That guy's name was Ralph Nader.
Ralph Nader is smart. No doubt that this man is well-read, knowledgeable, and is probably a good person. But he is now nothing more than that crazy old man with the paper bag. He is a relic. He is an egomaniac that cannot look past his nose or two feet behind him. He doesn't care that his candidacies for president are just a joke, "Oh, that Ralph, there he goes again *chuckle*". His appeal is left to only who would vote for Dennis Kucinich if his wife weren't so tall (and hot) and make for awkward photo ops. Ralph Nader is to the Left was Jerry Falwell was to the Right: an old vestige, made up of living proof that crazy stereotypes do actually exist somewhere in the world.
I am not taking away what Ralph Nader has done in the past. He has done a lot for progressive ideals, consumer advocacy, and lazy-eye syndrome awareness. But his time came Nov. 3rd, 2000. But he likes the spotlight, so he keeps asking for it.
His latest attempt at Look-at-me time, is the interview he gave to the Rocky Mountain News. In it, he says Obama is trying to 'talk white', is 'half African-American', wants to avoid becoming 'another Jesse Jackson', and is only popular because he appeals to 'white guilt'.
People have already commented that if these statements were made by Limbaugh, Hannity, Clinton (either) or anyone who would be in a traditional adversarial position to Obama, they would be called 'racist'.
THEY ARE. Call it for what it is. Ralph Nader is being at best insensitive, at worst the worst kind of liberal: the one who thinks he is so 'in' with unprivileged groups he can talk the talk, walk the walk, and preach his wisdom down onto them. He is a pandering racist. He knows what is going on here, in case you didn't, and he will take time off his busy schedule to teach you what that 'what' is.
Nader, do us all a favor, and get yourself out of that 60's mentality. You cannot compare Obama to other African-American politicians, just as much as you cannot attach labels to him that are only used by those having a 1960's conversation. That language is out. Those attitudes are out. If you knew anything about the appeal Obama actually has, and why he is striking a chord with younger voters more than you ever did, it is because of this: He was reaped after what was sowed in the 60's. He is the fruit, not the seed. So stop acting like a farmer out of a Rockwell painting. And quit looking at me, that lazy eye gets creepy.
lhp
Monday, June 16, 2008
Quarter Century of Advice
I love reading those little blurbs old people write about the 25 lessons or whatever they have learned in their lifetime. Good stuff. Most of them come off as the stereotypical wise, yet prickly geezer. But they still give out good stuff to think about.
I am turning a quarter of a century old today. I prefer calling it that rather than 25 years old, because it emphasizes the weight I believe this point in life carries. While I may not be wise and old and grumpy (well, not the first two), I've still learned some stuff and heard some good lessons here and there. What follows are things I have caught along the way. Most of it are things I have heard from others and have applied to my own life, some are things I learned along the way and am working on still. But NOTHING here is a piece of advice I have not tested out myself. Therefore, you will not see 'Raising your child is the most amazing thing ever', or 'After your first heart attack, you fear burgers'. Nope. What I write below are things I can vouch for. May not work for you, but then too bad, screw off!! (see, I am grumpy):
- Become Self-Aware This is easier said than done, but it is very important. Probably the most important thing I have to say here. Become aware of what you do, say, think, and how others may perceive all of the above. There is fine line shared here with being self-critical. That doesn't help. That only focuses on the negative, rather than the whole thing. Also, don't worry about what others think of you. Just be aware of your existence, pretty much, and if you like what you see or not. Barack Obama is a great example of this. His self-awareness has made his appeal widespread, and his rise a meteoric one
- Like to dress well: Hubert de Givenchy, the founder of said fashion line, lived through a simple maxim: Never be afraid to be the best dressed man in the room. What you wear says volume about who you are. Not what you are made of, but who you are. Are you tidy? Are you old-fashioned? Are you interested in detail? Are you lazy? A good website to check for everyday style is www.thesartorialist.blogspot.com. But if you ARE lazy, here are a few tried and true rules that will raise you up a notch at least:
- Your socks should match your pants, and if possible, create a 'segueway' of color between your pants and shoes. E.G. Brown pants, white shoes=light brown socks. Also, NEVER wear white socks unless you are going to the gym or are a london bus driver.
- Never wear pleats. The list of why you should is shorter than the number of presidential candidates.
- Black, white, and grey go with everything. Especially each other.
- Know your tones. Find out what colors work best for you. Keep an ear out when people give you compliments, and then analyze what you wore and work off that. Never wear Yellow. It is a horrible color and should be shot.
- Avoid trends. Make your own.
- If you write, write often: This is an easy one. It isn't really about length or depth, but about consistency. Write out random thoughts for 15 minutes each day, and then next week make it 20 minutes, and so forth. This will spark your Muse, I assure you.
- You will become your parents I was eating ice cream the other day. I went to go sit down, and people watch while I ate my ice cream. I crossed my leg, laid back in my chair, and started chowing down. At that moment, I knew: I had become my dad. This is exactly what he loves to do. I've noticed other things before, but this did it for me. So be forewarned: If you are a girl, you will become your mother; if you are a boy you will become your father. If you only have one parent, you will become him/her. Gay parents, not sure, but keep me updated.
- Keep Yourself Interesting I like to read. But what I mostly read aint books. I read books, but the bulk of my reading time is not assigned to them. But I read. About almost everything. The founder of Princeton said, "The person you spend most of your life with is yourself. Might as well make yourself as interesting as possible". So true. If you are not even interesting to yourself, why should I care to heard what you think? Look out for new things to do, learn, say, eat, drink, grab, write, read, whatever. Just keep yourself interesting to yourself.
- Find Your Speed One thing I should've figured out awhile back is that you can't please everyone. You can't even please yourself sometimes, for mercy's sake. So don't pressure yourself to be the everyman to every man. Find your speed. Know what environments you like to be in. What people do you like to hang out with? What crowds do you feel at home with? Or maybe no crowds. I suggest doing this: Go to three very different venues, like an art museum, a dive bar, and a park. What do you like of each? Dislike? Be true. Maybe you are an art lover deep inside, or maybe you love alcohol...if the latter is the case, gimme a call and we can do both.
- Assume Positive Intent I believe it is the current CEO of Coca Cola that said that one of the ways she has made her life richer and simpler is to always assume positive intent in other people. When someone would be rude to her, she would assume they had a horrible day and are actually pretty sorry for being rude to her. If someone started bragging to her she would think he is trying to let her know of good things to buy and wants to help her find them. Etc. Always think people are acting in a godly way. Sure, it might get you in trouble for thinking everyone is Jesus incarnate, but the ease and positive attitude you will have will be much more of a benefit.
- Look For Solutions Outside Your Problems I have often found myself stuck in a problem. Like, seriously, stuck. I can't go back or forth. But sometimes when I look for solutions out of the problem 'box', it works. This can be wide-ranging. For example, if you are stressed out and none of your medication helps you--it might even be making things worse--then why not try something out there. Like maybe going for a swim, or eating some ice cream, or punching a pillow. Do you dislike your friends? Get out of your usual social circle and tread new ground. If you keep looking for solutions inside your problems, you will probably find new problems, nothing else. Branch into new environments, cultures, philosophies, and people. Exposure will at least let you know what you like and dislike, and what works and doesn't work.
- Make Others Interesting People love to be listened to. So be a good chap and do it. Listening to them might be educating to you. You might find out if this person could be a good friend, partner, businessperson, or bartender for a party. You might also find out a lot about you. Are you judging them as they speak, or attentively listening and trying to connect? Do you get what they are saying, or are they smarter than you (meaning, go watch some History Channel)? Ask questions and become genuinely interested in them, and stay in the conversation like there is nothing else going on in the world. That is how people will like being with you.
- Be in the NOW A nice little exercise to help you become more centered, stop having an unnecessarily busy mind, and appreciate that you are still around: close your eyes, start breathing slowly, focus only on your breathing, and do that for a minute. IF you start thinking and having a busy brain again, which you probably will, then visualize yourself looking at yourself thinking. See yourself seeing yourself avoiding being in the moment. Do that until you don't have to. And then open your eyes and live your life. That will be $50, please.
- Quit Your Job I find there is really no reason to NOT switch jobs if you dislike it. If you truly dislike it and aren't just bitching about how tiring it is, then switch. Quit. Move on. Find something you like, at least. Don't be one of those people that dreads going to work everyday and walks around lifeless. That used to be me. I now know better.
- Get A Hobby I am almost certain everyone is good at SOMETHING. This may be a bit Socratic on my part, but I believe it's true. Go find what that is. It might be boxing, or drawing, or cooking, or curling, or making miniature cities out of potatoes...who knows. Just get a hobby you love and stick with it. It may end up taking over your day job. Wouldn't that be great!
- You Value 'You' Set goals and expectations for yourself. And then judge yourself by those goals and expectations YOU set. You are the only one that can give yourself value, and no one can take it away. What you think of 'value' may be different from what others consider valuable, so why should you be judged by other's measuring stick?
Take care.
lhp
Friday, June 13, 2008
Obama's VP Shortlist Getting Shorter
Now that the Hillary noise machine is taking a nap, Obama is dealing with the mumbling rants of McCain. That is fine, since McCain is better at defeating McCain than anyone else. Let him keep talking. Thanks to this eye of the hurricane week, when the furious storm has passed, but a new one is on the horizon, Obama has had a chance to start his own version of "The Dating Game". VP-style!
Unfortunately, it started rocky--a blind date type of date, if you will. James Johnson, one of the three picked by Obama to vet any VP candidates (the other two are daughter of JFK, Caroline Kennedy, and former Deputy Attorney General Eric Holder), had to step down. Fishiness when he was head of Fannie Mae made him step down, to avoid further messiness in the future.
No worries, because the VP shortlist the Obama campaign is working on seems to be taking care of itself. The list is becoming smaller, or at least, easier to work with, as people in it are taking themselves out of contention.
First was Governor of Ohio, Ted Strickland, who said, in no uncertain terms, "I will not accept if nominated, I will not serve if elected" if put on the Obama ticket...so, that's a no?
Next is Sen. Chris Dodd, an Obama little helper (he IS pretty little). In the same vein as James Johnson, Sen. Dodd received 'special mortgage rates', i.e. better, from Countrywide. Woap woap. Outie for you Doddy-o.
Next is a beloved son of the South, and one that is gathering steam among the Obamites (Obamans? Obamoians? Obamists?): Sen. Jim Webb from "We Aint A Bunch of Inbreds!" Virginia. He talks the talk, walks the walk, and gets along with Obama. He might, however, talk to much and walk to much, according to this Slate article. In all fairness, the article makes him sound like the feisty southerner McCain will probably add to his ticket. Sounds like a good cage match.
Who's next? Mayor Bloomberg is still in play, but for both parties. Tom Daschle, Joe Biden, and John Edwards, but they either are part of the furniture in Washington (Daschle, Biden) or have a losing record becoming said furniture (Edwards...Democrats dislike losers more than Republicans do). Chuck Hagel, the Republican who is more of a maverick by far than McCain ever has been, would be a valiant, and possibly good gamble to make. But you can't ever forget Hillary...mostly because she won't let you.
Sen. Obama, I do not envy your current situation. But it sure beats being crazy McCain.
lhp
Tim Russert has Died, at age 58
One of the most influential political pundits in the United States has died today, according to reports from his family.
As the NY Times's The Caucus reports:
Tim Russert, the host of “Meet the Press,” and NBC’s Washington bureau chief, has died. He was 58.
Mr. Russert was a towering figure in American journalism and moderated several debates during the recent presidential primary season.
Tom Brokaw, the former anchor of NBC Nightly News, came on the air at 3:39 p.m. that Mr. Russert had collapsed and died early this afternoon while at work. He had just returned from Italy with his family.
Mr. Russert hailed from Buffalo and worked for two prominent New York Democrats, Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan and Gov. Mario Cuomo, before being hired in 1984 by NBC in its Washington bureau. He became bureau chief four years later.
MSNBC (part of the NBC network Russert's "Meet The Press" aired every Sunday on) reports:
Tim Russert, NBC News’ Washington bureau chief and the moderator of “Meet the Press,” died Friday after a sudden heart attack at the bureau, NBC News said Friday. He was 58.Russert was recording voiceovers for Sunday’s “Meet the Press” program when he collapsed, the network said. No details were immediately available.
Russert, the recipient of 48 honorary doctorates, took over the helm of “Meet the Press” in December 1991. Now in its 60th year, “Meet the Press” is the longest-running program in the history of television.
And FOX News:
I am not even kidding about what is above. FOX News brings you to that when you click on their Russert story.Page Cannot Be Found
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Please try the following:
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Tim Russert, the reporter who was known for his tough questioning and off-the-cuff honesty, was the host of Meet The Press for 17 years. Meet The Press was a necessary platform for any politician who wanted to be taken seriously. The Russert grilling was a requisite for any politician to have national appeal. He was a man you needed to chat with if you were to make anything of your career. He was THAT influential.
My condolences to his family.
lhp
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Benefits, 401k, and Facebook, please
The Engineered Generation, my generation, knows what it wants. A very interesting, but not very surprising, study found that close to 40 percent of 18-24 years olds would quit their job if it blocked Facebook. As it reads:
A recent survey by IT services provider Telindus found that a whopping 39 percent of 18-to-24-year-olds would consider leaving their jobs if a Facebook ban was imposed, reports vnunet.com. Another 21 percent said they’d feel “annoyed” by such a ban.The older you are, however, the less likely you are to ditch the gig for your scrabulous game:
Not surprisingly, the number of folks who’d consider quitting in response to a Facebook ban shrinks with age. Just 16 percent of 25-to-65-year-olds (an oddly large sample, if you ask me) would so so, and 13 percent would be annoyed by such a ban.What can I say...We feel we deserve everything. Even the chance to tag you in that kegger photo album we just uploaded with a caption that reads: "nice form".
lhp
FOX News, Biased? Nah
Anyone who gets their news from ONE sole source will have a warped sense of the world. I stand by the statement firmly.
No matter if it's CNN, NY Times, MSNBC, The Drudge Report, National Review, The Daily Show, etc. It will fail to capture the nuances of opinions and angles of what is going on out there.
But if your sole source is FOX News, then you are just plain messed up.
I already posted here the video where a FOX News contributor jokes about taking out both Barack and Osama bin Laden "if we could" *chuckle chuckle*. Add to that this:
An alert reader wrote in just a little while ago to let us know about something he'd spotted on Fox News Wednesday afternoon. During a segment discussing conservative attacks against Michelle Obama, the wife of presumptive Democratic nominee Barack Obama, the network described the former as "Obama's baby mama."Or this:
I checked, and sure enough, as you can see below, our e-mailer was right. In fact, that description was displayed on screen several times during the segment, which featured anchor Megyn Kelly and conservative blogger Michelle Malkin, an FNC contributor.
During the June 6 edition of Fox News' America's Pulse, host E.D. Hill teased an upcoming discussion by saying, "A fist bump? A pound? A terrorist fist jab? The gesture everyone seems to interpret differently." In the ensuing discussion with Janine Driver -- whom Hill introduced as "a body language expert" -- Hill referred to the "Michelle and Barack Obama fist bump or fist pound," adding that "people call it all sorts of things." Hill went on to ask Driver: "Let's start with the Barack and Michelle Obama, because that's what most people are writing about -- the fist thump. Is that sort of a signal that young people get?" At no point during the discussion did Hill explain her earlier reference to "a terrorist fist jab."
It is funnier when you actually see it:
Hilarious!
Don't tell me about the fairness of one news outlet. All have their biases. But don't you dare call FOX News a NEWS outlet to begin with.
Therein lies the rub, as the old barb would say.
lhp
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Parkour. Someday...
How do you know these guys are from London? Because they were Savile Row suits.
Friday, June 06, 2008
ROT: Reviews Off Trailers
WTF: This movie is a child of the Palahniuk brand (Fight Club, Snuff, other disgruntled male novels). So expect a lot of people to become offended and this movie to have legs like the stripper in the trailer. Dark humor with bite and enough stylized shiznit to make a Tarantino movie look like "Murder She Wrote".
WTF: This could go two ways. It could go all cheesy, one man changes the Washington establishment by delivering a monumental speech in front of Congress and gets a standing ovation and the respect of the incoming president...or it could be not so lame. It is geared as a cross between a political satire and an everyman's story. Sort of like Tin Cup meets Primary Colors. But it will suck. It will end up looking like neither, and will have a greater resemblence to Legally Blonde 2. That may be a draw to many...sigh.
WTF: This movie will be great. That is all I have to say...ok, maybe more: Brad Pitt will be 12 Monkeys crazy (funny crazy) and will steal the movie. The Coen Brothers will go back to their quirky Fargo roots but with some much needed shits-and-giggles mentality after the 'daaaaamn that's intense' No Country For Old Men. Expect this movie to be replete with dead people, misunderstandings, zany George Clooney, and good music.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Internet Will Disappear By 2012
In about 4 years, the internet as we know it may be over. Instead, it will be like your cable TV, in a package deal, with package websites. Spread the word.